Scorn
FAKE-ASS PEOPLE WHO SPEAK LIKE THEY ARE MADE OUT OF WAX. Here's a simple way to tell: When they're making a presentation, they use phrases like "we must evolve our common perception of" and "it is critically important to engender blah blah blah." HEY. DO YOU TALK LIKE THAT TO FRIENDS? There is nothing more sad and frustrating than seeing someone giving a presentation like this, thinking it will impress people. USE WORDS THAT YOU WOULD USE IN NORMAL CONVERSATION. ALSO, STOP MEMORIZING YOUR GOD DAMNED PRESENTATION AND LEARN HOW TO SPEAK CONVERSATIONALLY. Thanks (not "thank you").
Idiots who try to get 283523958923 friends on the The FaceBook (people they DON'T EVEN KNOW) for no good reason. Does it really make you feel good?
2-door cars
I was in a meeting just now and missed SIX calls from a "Restricted ID" number. HEY I HAVE AN IDEA, WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE A MESSAGE? This god damned phenonenon is rampant among friends, which is fine because they can see each other's numbers. But it is the pinnacle of unprofessional to not leave a message when you're doing business--or if you call someone SIX TIMES IN 1 HOUR!!! God damn it!!!!!! UPDATE: I later determined that it was my brother calling. Good job fool
Companies that try to use "cool" design for no good reason. These are the companies that list their phone numbers as 866.255.5555. WHY NOT USE THE TIME-HONORED (866) 255-5555? Or note MTV, which uses this notation:
__1.2 million viewers___
Wood floors. I don't understand why these are so sought after. They suck and are unpleasant to your feet.
People who treat their parents rudely. Holy shit what is wrong with this country? You hear a mom saying "What time will you be back?" (A VERY REASONABLE QUESTION) and the kid snaps back, "God, I'll be back later, MOM! I don't KNOW!" No wonder you're going to send your parents to an old-folks home and your kids will do the same to you. Enjoy the bingo. I wouldn't DREAM of talking to my parents like that
Along the same line, any kid who gets a car and then (1) doesn't let their other family members drive it OR (2) says "I'm going for a drive in MY car." Trust me, kiddy, unless you've earned the $8,000 for that car and pay the $3,000/year for your hyperinflated insurance, IT'S NOT YOUR CAR. HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TAKE OWNERSHIP OF SOMETHING THAT'S NOT YOURS!!!
We've all seen this: people who haven't read the text for class, but, feeling they have to say something, raise their hand and start talking about some really personal story that starts out with their personal life: "In my experience..."
Idiots who try to get 283523958923 friends on the The FaceBook (people they DON'T EVEN KNOW) for no good reason. Does it really make you feel good?
2-door cars
I was in a meeting just now and missed SIX calls from a "Restricted ID" number. HEY I HAVE AN IDEA, WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE A MESSAGE? This god damned phenonenon is rampant among friends, which is fine because they can see each other's numbers. But it is the pinnacle of unprofessional to not leave a message when you're doing business--or if you call someone SIX TIMES IN 1 HOUR!!! God damn it!!!!!! UPDATE: I later determined that it was my brother calling. Good job fool
Companies that try to use "cool" design for no good reason. These are the companies that list their phone numbers as 866.255.5555. WHY NOT USE THE TIME-HONORED (866) 255-5555? Or note MTV, which uses this notation:
__1.2 million viewers___
Wood floors. I don't understand why these are so sought after. They suck and are unpleasant to your feet.
People who treat their parents rudely. Holy shit what is wrong with this country? You hear a mom saying "What time will you be back?" (A VERY REASONABLE QUESTION) and the kid snaps back, "God, I'll be back later, MOM! I don't KNOW!" No wonder you're going to send your parents to an old-folks home and your kids will do the same to you. Enjoy the bingo. I wouldn't DREAM of talking to my parents like that
Along the same line, any kid who gets a car and then (1) doesn't let their other family members drive it OR (2) says "I'm going for a drive in MY car." Trust me, kiddy, unless you've earned the $8,000 for that car and pay the $3,000/year for your hyperinflated insurance, IT'S NOT YOUR CAR. HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TAKE OWNERSHIP OF SOMETHING THAT'S NOT YOURS!!!
We've all seen this: people who haven't read the text for class, but, feeling they have to say something, raise their hand and start talking about some really personal story that starts out with their personal life: "In my experience..."
7 Comments:
I surfed onto your site by accident while at work...I felt compelled to leave a comment to tell you that I found it honest and amusing. Though, it’s probably bad that I was amused at your annoyances....
When an envelope has a different return address than what is listed inside. Which address do you want it sent to, jerkoff? This is always the case with parking tickets: the place that issues them is not the place where you send the form to contest them. What a marvel of efficiency.
Also on the subject of mail: when deadlines are "received by" and not "postmarked by". How the hell do I know when you're going to receive something? I've had a letter sent to a Palo Alto address from Stanford take a friggin' week. On second thought, maybe this is not a coincidence. It is, after all, the Stanford post office...
Toll roads. As some of you know, I was in Marin County escaping from reality Tuesday and Wednesday. Boy, was I jolted back to reality when I found out it costs $5 to cross the Golden Gate Bridge, something that, for whatever reason, I haven't done in ten years. Is crossing a goddamn bridge really a $5 service? For that money, I could have stayed on the other side and purchased a Double-Double combo meal at In N Out Burger.
People who don't like In N Out Burger because they don't offer salads, teriyaki bowls, jalapeno poppers, or (for crying out loud) chicken items. This is like not liking the bowling alley because it doesn't have racquetball.
People that agree with your end point for all the wrong reasons. You say, "I don't like guacamole," and someone else says, "Yeah, I agree, I don't like guacamole because I hate Mexicans." WHO ARE YOU? THAT IS NOT A VALID REASON. I hate your thinking so much I want to abandon my reasonable apathy towards guacamole (which is based SOLELY on its taste).
I HATE people who give animals people's names. Dogs should not be named Charlie!
And god forbid don't sign your animal's name on a birthday or Christmas card to me. AHH that's the worst.
parents who at first plaace let their kids treat them rudely and buy $8000 worth car.
i disagree. wood floors are awesome for many reasons, but two big ones are: a) they don't hold the heat in the summer and make a fan more "effective" so you don't have to run the AC all day, and b) you can easily and thoroughly clean that shit. i have cruddy beige wall-to-wall in my rental apt. and i can NEVER EVER know for sure that all of the blood, pubic hair, fuckin' bongwater WHATEVER from previous tenants is out of the carpet. these things keep me up at night
My younger brother is like that, he's obnoxiously rude to our parents and has the same MY car philospohy. They bought it for him so he wouldn't ask to drive theirs. Of course, ne doesn't pay for anything on it, not even gas, he just complains that the car is almost empty.
So I bought it from my parents, hahaha. I seriously wanna backhand my brother from time to time, he's just setting himself up for a life of failure.
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