Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Execration

Our inability to make a fully formed fist when we wake up. What would happen if an unknown assailant attacked us at or around 8:15am?

Getting an eyelash caught in your vision, but you're not sure if it's on your glasses or stuck in your eye, so you spend like 10 minutes wondering instead of just taking your glasses off and seeing. DAMNIT

When people complain and complain about someone BUT NEVER TELL THAT PERSON WHAT THEY'RE THINKING. I had a class where people hated the professor and everyone was like, "Just wait till that evaluation comes--I'm going to blast her." (Note how they never just sent her feedback, but ok I understand that people are nervous about non-anonymous feedback.) So the anonymous survey comes around and...what happens? OVER HALF THE CLASS JUST GETS UP AND JUST LEAVES WITHOUT FILLING OUT THE SURVEY. This is your chance to give some feedback!!! But no, you have the attention span of a fish.

The Chappie, Stanford's supposed "comedy" magazine. Quick tip: If every single joke is incomprehensible to everyone but YOUR OWN WRITERS, you are not funny. The oddest thing is that I know a few genuinely funny people who write for the Chappie. I will die with this mystery.

People who use the word dissonance incorrectly. JUST LOOK IT UP ONCE

Anyone who get annoyed when someone calls and wakes them up. HEY!! YOU left your phone on. If it's some unreasonable hour, fine. But if it's normal daytime and you're taking a nap, or you're just sleeping until 2pm, you don't get to be irritated when you pick up the ringing phone that YOU left on. Next time this happens, I'm going to start screaming back at the person. I'm sure my friends reading this can't wait!!

People who come up with business ideas, do no research, and then lose all their money. I know people who talk about opening up a franchise business because it's easy. Really! So the point of your business is to be easy? What's the failure rate of franchises? What happens if you don't get the real estate you want? What about all the DATA AAAAARGH#%*&#%

PS--Happy Birthday Doug, and looking forward to crushing you in Mario Kart next time we play

5 Comments:

Blogger Gabe Rosen said...

You ever seen those wedding sites, replete with pukey stories about how "we" met, embarrassing photos of the loving couple, and plenty of other things that are not for public consumption, and which they obviously don't expect you to find, even though it's right there on the Internet? My friends Ian and Raphey actually went to the trouble to chronicle this sick phenomenon by publishing a comprehensive directory of such sites, all of them with the format "www.someoneandsomeoneelse.com". To take part in this voyeuristic horror, visit:
http://www.1anspir0.com/wedding/
By the way, I think this definitely falls under the category of things I hate, but am glad of anyway, because it's nice to have people to mock.

Thin forks. Whose idea was this? "Hey! Let's have a fork that fits half as much food on it!" How civilised.

Grad students whose entire identity is based on their undergraduate institution. My lamest ever TA wore all Michigan gear, all the time - hate, sweatshirt, binders. DOES THE FACT THAT YOU'RE AT A NEW (NOT TO MENTION MORE PRESTIGIOUS) INSTITUTION MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? I took to wearing a Michigan State cap to class just to irk her. Then there was my friend's random roommate who had a Georgia Tech picnic blanket that covered their entire living room wall.

People who will be really pleasant to those they're trying to impress, but then absolutely shit on you because they're comfortable doing so.

People who like everything.

Doostang, the "trusted professional network", where all the members just graduated college, but all the job postings require 8+ years' experience. And each job posting gets emailed to you, instead of them trusting you to just check the site.

12:49 PM  
Blogger HKagan said...

please do NOT talk in baby/relationship talk around other people. it is cool i am sure if you are in the zone but to others you sound retarded and hurt my ears. i am not being judgmental and i am all for relationships doing other things until it affects me. i would consider the mushy "oh honey, oh baby" talking public: noise pollution similar to smoking with air pollution

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Monica Miller said...

I hate it when guys write hehe on AIM. It's HAHAHA.

4:24 PM  
Blogger Bob V said...

In what way do people misuse "dissonance"? I haven't noticed that. Can I get an example sentence, please?

10:17 AM  
Blogger mamacita said...

You probably don't even check this anymore, but I have to add: people never use the word nonplussed correctly. LOOK IT UP ONCE PEOPLE!

9:25 AM  

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