Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Jaundice

Elevator doors that close slowly. THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM!!! Shit, if I built an elevator, every wall (and the doors) would be huge skull-and-crossbones signs warning people that these elevators were superfast and efficient. Limbs might be lost but I guarantee you would make your meeting on time.

People whose hatreds are really prosaic, like "I hate SUVs." When I interview people for stuff, I sometimes ask "what are things that annoy you?" Some people get so excited and proceed to rant about stuff, and you can imagine the fine talks we have. But other people are so boring like, "Oh I dunno...I try not to be negative...maybe popup ads." WOW THANKS

One of the most irritating types of people are people who are always SKEPTICAL.
You: "Hey, we should go out to this restaurant. It's really good"
Them: "Realllllly? Are you sure? I mean, it doesn't sound that good"

You: "Hey, do you want to meet this girl? I think you'd like her"
Them: "I mean, really? What? Why? What does she do? What does she look like? Is she the most amazing woman on the planet with exactly my physical, psychological, and spiritual requirements? If not....I mean...are you sure?"

You: "Hey, cool quote. Did you know that it originally came from Sophocles?"
Them: "I don't think so"
You: "I STUDIED THIS FOR 10 YEARS IN GRADUATE SCHOOL--I'M PRETTY SURE I KNOW"
Them: "I still, just, I don't think so!"

WHERE IS MY CANE TO BEAT THESE PEOPLE WITH

Along the same lines of moronic skeptical people, I once was at a group interview and met this guy from University of Arizona. We introduced ourselves to each other and he asked where I went, so I told him, and he immediately had this huge chip on his shoulder. WTF? I didn't say anything against him, but ok, I just dealt with it. He was saying things like "Well, I hear it's overrated. I mean, the athletics are pretty good but I hear the East coast schools are better." I'm thinking, ok, thank you sir for your insightful comments, but I just let them go. THEN he asks me (very competitively and antagonistically) what I study at school, so I told him technology and psychology.

This idiot wrinkles his nose like he just ate 4-month-old tomatoes and says "TECHNOLOGY AND PSYCHOLOGY? What is THAT?!" Can I please take a small break to say that just because you haven't encountered something before does not automatically disqualify it from being credible. GOD I WISH I HAD SAID EXACTLY THAT TO THIS GUY. Anyway, I tried to explain a little, very comfortable in my knowledge that this person was a moron for questioning something he knew NOTHING ABOUT YET I HAD STUDIED FOR A LONG TIME. I love his ending, though: "Well, I guess you can study that...but I really wonder where it will get you." Remember, we had just met 3 minutes before this! I really appreciated his life advice.

When companies advertise that you could "Save up to 25% or more!!" Oh, ok, so basically you're telling me that I can save anywhere between 0 and infinity. Thank you.

21 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate it when you have a sunburn and people come up to you and say "wow you're really sunburned!!" I KNOW I'm sunburned, you jackass. I don't walk up to you and say "wow you're really fat!!" It's not that I'm not thinking it; it's just that I assume that you already know.

also, you should have bitchslapped that U of A kid.

6:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rather than a cane, my friend and I have long thought that a No Paddle would come in handy quite frequently, not to mention being a marketable item. Basically this would be a wooden paddle with a forehead-sized "NO" carved in. I'm sure everyone can think of situations where it would be especially satisfying to smack someone on the forehead and leave a lovely raised "NO" just to remind them. I would certainly be a happier person if I had this capability, and simple operant conditioning says that we'd hear far fewer ignorant comments because eventually these people would either learn or have their speech capabilities knocked out of them.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Ramit Sethi said...

hahahahahahhaa

9:21 PM  
Anonymous Kate said...

YEEEESSSSSSS!

Also when you see a store that says "Everything $1," then, smaller, "and up." Great.

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Blogger Ramit Sethi said...

Hey, this is the best search term that someone ever used to get to this site:

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Try searching for that on Google!

9:45 PM  
Blogger Gabe Rosen said...

That U of A kid certainly got me thinking about the people I've met with inferiority complexes about their school/presumptuous and unsolicited judgments. One time last summer I was up at 3 am when I got a call from a girl who claimed to have gotten my number from a swingers website (!). She asked if I went to Stanford, and when I said yes, she put on a glum voice and said "Well I guess you're too smart for me or something" - then proceeded to try to engage me in phone sex anyway. Very weird. Or my dad's friend Steve's 15 year old daughter who told me snippily "That's not very practical" when I mentioned I spoke French. Right, and trying to dance to Britney in 6 inch platforms is the heighth of practicality.

Also, I have a friend who went to Berkeley, and goes out of his way to engage in hostility with my Stanford friends about how he didn't go to a rich kid's school like we did. So over that.

Some other things I hate:

- The plastic wrap on CD's. Invariably, I scratch the jewel box trying to get them off. And they're clear, so just when I think they're all removed, the box still won't open. I thought anti-theft devices were supposed to be removed after purchase!

- People who leave their shopping carts in line, sometimes enlisting their hapless children to guard them, and then run back for more items, then come back to find that either they're holding up the whole line or everything's been rung up already or they've lost their place. THIS DOESN'T SAVE ANYONE ANY TIME IF YOU STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT.

- When you are in someone's home or apartment and their wireless network requires a password. OK, I can see the reason for this, but most of my friends that have WEP passwords don't knowthem or have them written down anywhere.

- People who can't even get the name of their own allegedly favorite things right. On the Facebook, I've come across a dozen people whose favorite movie is "Napolean Dynamite", and one whose favorite movie is "Eternal Sunshine For The Spotless Mind".

12:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One more comment on the anti-Stanford bitterness...
I was talking to my friend at home, who's a psych major at a state school here, at which point I mentioned that I also was a psych major. He replies: "At Stanford, wow, that's a lot of money to waste on a psych degree."
EXCUSE ME??? Can we say bitter? I mean, forget the fact that Stanford has the NUMBER ONE dept. in the nation, but the guy was a psych major TOO. AHHHH! Also, excuse me for doing something that I actually like, rather than selling my sould to pre-med. So many comments on how I'm choosing something "so impractical," when I would have "such good business connections" at Stanford. ARG.

9:41 AM  
Blogger Ramit Sethi said...

Ok that is so true and it's a huge hatred of mine: when people treat their college degree like it's ITT Tech. HEY PEOPLE, ARE YOU GOING TO COLLEGE FOR A GOD DAMN VOCATIONAL DEGREE? I seriously hate when people think the point of their major is to get a job, and that's it. If that were the case, why not drop out, read some books, and get some MCSE certification as a 19-year old? Or is perhaps college to find out what you're interested, explore, meet people, and eat an ungodly amount of Ramen noodles? I think so.

9:48 AM  
Blogger Marie Christine said...

A completely random one . . .

I hate it when people tell me the story about how they accidently ate an entire blob of wasabi because they thought it was avacado. SHUT UP, I HATE YOU. Do you have any idea how many times I have heard this story? Honestly, it is so cliche to mix up these two completely different foods. Why would they be serving you guacamole at a Japanese restaurant? And why are you stuffing an unknown substance into your mouth without tasting it or asking someone what it is? It's not like I walk down the street, see a whitish substance on the ground and immediately begin jamming it down my trachea. If I hear this story one more time, I swear to God and all that is holy, I will ram my fist into the offender's face. How's that for spicy, bitch?

4:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1) When you wait for the elevator. They light is clearly lighted from YOU pushing it. Another person approaches from 500 ft away and is staring right at you waiting for the elevator. YET the walk up and push the button aggressively....WHAT IS THAT? Did I NOT push the button correctly? Are they claiming space or higher status in the herd? or ARE they trying to let me know that they are waiting for the elevator as well....like I'm afraid they are some homeless loiterer hanging out in a fifth avenue lobby.

2) THESE GODDAMN CELLPHONES! Okay at first-they were convenient as hell...then they were trendy...but NOW they gotta go! What the fuck? People who are checking out in the grocery store and talking on their cellphones? Like its some sort of subservient robot serving them...ITS A PERSON! Where are your freaking manners? Or driving and talking on the phone and NOT paying attention to A) traffic b) red lights C) people stopping in front of them....HANG UP THE DAMN PHONE! Its out of control here.....

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