Friday, August 19, 2005


You, if you make stupid gut calls that are completely uninformed by real data. This is true of everything, but let me focus on one area today: germs. There is almost nothing more irritating than someone who is afraid of "gross things" and complains about it all the time. "Eww!!" they might say, "I can't walk barefoot to the laundry room! I might catch something!" Oh really. NEED I REMIND YOU THAT YOUR SKIN IS LIKE SARAN WRAP? Witness the thousands of things that wash off of it, including so-called permanent marker and superglue. Frankly, if it doesn't make me sick, I basically don't mind. This isn't to say I wallow in the mud routinely, but I don't complain ad nauseum about getting some dirt on my hands. It's always interesting to me how these people chronically misjudge the risk factors. Ooooh, god forbid they accidentally touch someone's feet, but the very same people will then go make out with an unknown person (or share their drink). Let's just think this through for one second: If you make out with someone, you are exposing yourself to roughly 1,000,000x more risk than walking barefoot in a laundry room or touching something slimy. Now, I'm not casting judgment--except for on these stupid people's thinking and behavior--but really, can you please use some simple commonsense to judge your risks? Not everything is gross, except your incompetence

Hella stupid people who try to be political. These are the people who take the most SUPERFICIAL impression of politics and blow it up into a massively overblown/inaccurate interpretation of events. Now, I don't personally care to engage in a political debate here, but if you take what you hear from the news--whether you're Republican or Democrat or whatever--and don't actually investigate what you read, you are a moron. I can't count the number of stupid college students who have something like this in their AIM profile: "I can't believe the President/SecDefense/Head of EPA did that!! Can you believe how many jobs we'll lose! And add this to the fact that global warming is increasing and our country is going downhill." Listen up, Themistocles: First of all, it's always easy to throw your hands up and bemoan the way "things are going." I love how easy that technique makes it for you to distance yourself from any responsibility or actionable items. Second, perhaps I would take you more seriously if you didn't just read the color-coded pie charts from USA Today, and actually did some research on BOTH sides of the issue. And finally, how seriously do you expect someone to take your position if you write it in YOUR AIM PROFILE?! Perhaps you could write a memo or a letter to the editor or an essay and post it online. Ohh, but you won't, will you? That would take effort and force you to actually think about a rational position and, god willing, some recommendations. It's much easier to just sit there and complain, isnt it? Hatred

STUPID-ASS CORPORATE PHONE SYSTEMS THAT *REQUIRE* YOU TO SPEAK (NOT TYPE) YOUR INFORMATION IN, GIVING YOU NO OTHER CHOICES. First of all, can we just stipulate that if you're stupid enough to put one of these systems in, the system itself is probably not that good? And furthermore, it is extraordinarily hard for a machine to distinguish the spoken characters of something like "A805OCBETG." And yet there are companies that offer ONLY the option to speak your information, not type it. Talk about a mode error--I wonder if the CEO thought "ooh cool speaking functionality!" when he heard it. Jackass

People who post furniture for sale on Craigslist but don't put a picture. Why not just move your post to the garbage and save the middleman?


Blogger Gabe Rosen said...

Man, it's so true. Touching slimy things will not make you sick. My uncle Myles grew up in Mississippi, walking barefoot everywhere, drinking moonshine distilled in old Chevy parts, catching frogs with his bare hands, and, as he put it, "a cockroach was no stranger in our house!" Yet, he got sick a tenth as much as kids today who grow up like veals in hermetically sealed, climate controlled, continuously disinfected homes. Folks, there's a little something called immunization, and it works through being exposed to something and building up defenses to it. Think about it: You don't get to the NFL by playing against guys who can't hurt you. Germs are the same way. Except for the ones that'll fuck you up regardless. But in general, I'd rather be disaffected than disinfected.

A major hatred: When someone asks you to go do something or get something in another room, and keeps talking to you as though you were still there while you're trying to walk away.

4:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two words: athlete's foot. It won't kill you, but that doesn't mean it's a fun thing to get.

8:12 AM  
Anonymous metaly said...

OH GOD. The germ paranoia hate and mention of athlete's foot reminded me of the time I was in the kitchen and my slobby housemate showed up, probably to make some disgusting kind of lunch. After dropping something on the floor (slobby), he grabs the dishtowel—the same towel that I use to dry things AFTER they've been washed—drops that on the floor, uses it to wipe up the spill by pushing it around with his bare feet, then HANGS IT BACK UP. This is after 8-9 months of living with this guy. How many times had he done this when I wasn't around to see it???? I wanted to vomit up everything I had ever eaten.

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Amir Meshkin said...

You think thats nasty? how bout my old roommate with warm up chicken wings in the microwave. Every 5 or 10 minutes he would go stand by the microwave, grab a few wings and eat them, then sit back down. Like clockwork, he made several trips to the microwave until they were all gone.

1:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't understand, what's wrong with that?

2:27 PM  
Blogger Gabe Rosen said...

I agree, if it involves chicken wings, can't be a bad thing.

Some things I hate:

- When my phone rings and I'm expecting it to be one of the many beautiful women I hear from, and instead it's one of my two most annoying friends giving me a big guilt trip for not hanging out with him this second.

- When my phone rings and it's a recorded Spanish.

- When I try to fix something and end up making it much worse because I was impatient. To wit: I spilled water on my favorite shirt yesterday before going out. Instead of waiting for it to just dry in 20 minutes, I took a hairdryer to the water spots. Immediately, they began to dry up. Encouraged, I pressed the hairdryer closer to the fabric, burned a huge hole in my shirt, and was so pissed off the rest of the day that I spent all night drinking port and watching an entire season of Curb to calm myself down. All because I couldn't wait a few miserable minutes.

4:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why do people who have not done shit write long ass biographies. This Kevin Colleran,, has a laundry list of awards and accolades but i cannot grasp which projects were amazingly successful. Albeit, none of my shit is helping me retire at this age but I don't write 10 paragraphs about my business life.

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That germ-phobia thing describes my roommate absolutely. Nothing wrong with sleeping with people you barely know, nothing wrong with leaving your dishes in the sink for weeks, but if you so much as mention the word "germs" you get serenaded with a 3-minute high-pitched wail of EEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

1:00 PM  
Anonymous Nicole said...

When people use the word "gay" when they mean "lame". Totally offensive, and makes you sound like you are in middle school/ a hick/ both. Especially when I protest and they try to justify it in any lame-ass way (Oh, it's just a figure of speech. It just has a double meaning.). I can't possibly rant enough about this.

When people call me "honey", "hon", "sweetheart", etc. This is particularly annoying when it comes from my more "mother hen"-like girlfriends who are of my own age group.

Jet lag.

1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When people write "their" instead of "there" or "there are", or "your" instead of "you are".

Or worst yet, "web sight"...

Makes me eyes bleed.

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Brianna said...

Ok, the craigs list thing kills me...haha. I always get so mad when I click a picture-less link in the furniture section. What is the damn point?

10:07 AM  

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