Monday, September 12, 2005

Consternation

Sorry about the long break from posting, but the truth is I was too happy. I was on vacation, doing a lot of fun business stuff, etc...but now that my happiness is taken care of, I'm back and angrier than ever. Let's do this.

The interminable wait when you pour a coke and wait for the fizz to go down

After this post, I think I may be creating the new Emily Post guide to etiquette--Ramit style. Ok here's the deal: IF YOU ARE LATE, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG. If, for whatever reason, you show up late--especially when more than 1 person is waiting for you--you should be apologizing profusely, not making up excuses for why you were late. AND!!! You should EXPECT people to be irritated. How dare you get mad at them for being irritated!!! God I often wish for a blunt weapon in these circumstances. And I have seen this more times than there are stars in the cosmos. And on these special occasions, I think it perfectly appropriate to use the time-honored and maternal insult: "Shame on you, Ramit. Shame on you." (Extra points if their name isn't Ramit and you say Ramit anyway.)

People who are on college email lists and complain that they get too much email--and then remove themselves. Way to be a recluse, Mildred. Actually, let me not narrow this down to college students. If you complain you get too much email, YOU ARE NOT MANAGING IT PROPERLY. I have had people say "Ramit!! I get 60 emails a day!!" and wipe their brow with sweat. I am simultaneously in the corner laughing at them as they say this, and clenching my fists in barely restrained rage. I also get lots and lots of email (and there are people who get significantly more) but the fact is, email's like money: It's not how much you get, it's how you manage it. Isn't it ironic that people spend such a significant amount of their lives on email now, yet they don't take a few hours to learn the MANY, MANY email-management techniques out there? This smacks of idiocy and I have been struggling for ways to take advantage of these people for a long time. STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR EMAIL AND LEARN HOW TO MANAGE IT PROPERLY!!!!!

People who ask for "honest feedback" but don't really want it. Has this ever happened to you? Special note: if it's your boss asking, 99% of the time, run.

Stupid radio stations that shoot themselves in the foot by running a MINUTE-LONG AD ON HOW THEY PLAY MORE MUSIC. "This is Kiss 98.1, where we keep it real by playing ALL the music with FEWER commercial breaks. We have smooth R&B, blah blah, Luther Vandross, blah blah, history of R&B, upcoming events, but we play more music than everybody else." Then what comes next? You guessed it...a commercial.

Any political slate that runs for something that is literally impossible. Last year--this was in COLLEGE--I saw a group campaigning by putting flyers all over campus. Its main argument was that it would change pub night to accomodate teenagers too. OH REALLY!! Teenagers in a bar! So let's see...that would be illegal, prohibitively hard, and the 21+ people wouldn't want them there.

GREAT!!!

This is the equivalent of the elementary-school campaign that said it would make cafeteria food better. THANK YOU JOHNNY!!!
jackass

23 Comments:

Blogger Maneesh said...

Ugh, I hate it when self-proclaimed grammar aficionados forget to check their writing. 'There' instead of 'their'? Please.

2:29 PM  
Blogger Maneesh said...

Oh, in case I didn't make it clear, I was talking about you Ramit. Check your post.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Ramit Sethi said...

Sorry, fixed. I was filled with so much rage while I was typing that my clenched fists did not permit my usual grammatical care. Many apologies.

PS--Treat your older brother with some respect, fool

2:33 PM  
Blogger Kimen said...

Doug

2:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's not very nice.

5:53 AM  
Blogger Kimen said...

Here's a real one:
When you sit down in an airplane and the seat is in the upright position it feels ok. And then during the flight you recline the seat and it's more uncomfortable, and you chill out until the flight attendant makes you put it back to the upright position. When you finally put it back to the upright position it feels SO AWFUL. I HATE THAT. It should feel exactly the same!! AHHHH.

6:21 AM  
Blogger Gabe Rosen said...

"Premium". Now there is a word that has been rendered meaningless by
constant bombardment via television commercials. Remember that stupid
cereal commercial where the guy was like "It's purr-ree-mee-um!" ? What a douchebag. Now you have McDonald's and their "premium" chicken sandwiches. Ramit, I know you think liking McDonald's is one of the
hallmarks of being a regular person, but what is this about, anyway?
So it's not the usual Grade D chicken. Big deal.

Speaking of chicken, I was at a cafe last week, and throughout the
menu I found the phrase "breast of chicken". Quesadillas, salads, you
name it - all featuring "breast of chicken". It's chicken breast,
folks. What does this make you, hole of ass?

On the other side, I have found several girls' Facebook profiles to
include the statement "I'm vegetarian." No, you're not. If something is vegetarian, it means it contains no meat. Nutritionally speaking, you are the opposite of vegetarian. Now, you could say "I'm /a/ vegetarian", and you would be correct. I'd feel sorry for you, but you would at least be correct.

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The total abuse of turn signals. It could be because I live in Arizona, Home of The Motorized Idiot, but it seems like most people cannot grasp how to use them. Usually people:

a) go about 65 mph and proceed to lock up their brakes - going from 65 to 5 mph in approximately 1.2 seconds - and then put their blinker on. This is a good way to put the front end of an unattentive driver's SUV in the backseat of your car.

b) put on their turn signal and then drive about 2 and a half miles before turning. I'd rather have someone do this than A,but really, let's narrow down the possible area of turning here.


Also, driving behind extremely slow people on a double yellow, one lane road.

9:19 PM  
Blogger dan said...

When people link to PDFs on websites but don't alert that it's a PDF, especially when it's through something like tinyurl so you can't even see it if you mouseover.

I spent the past few days reading your entire archive and found it quite humorous and that was the only thing that I hated about it.

The irony of the whole situation was that later (earlier) on, you mentioned that you hate how PDFs take 10+ seconds to load which is why I hate them in the first place!

You may now hate me for being so petty

4:50 PM  
Blogger L_A_dollasign_E said...

I hate when I'm having a good ol' fashioned 1-handed-boxing match (masturbating) and the guy in the porn is about to spurt, and I know he is because I've seen it before, so I'm forced to quickly rewind a couple minutes so we don't cross the finish line at the same time. That way I can feel like a heterosexual when I fall asleep 16 seconds later.

11:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when guys i have just met think theyre going to impress me by telling me how much their outfit costs. "these jeans were 200, the shirt 75, 50 for the cufflinks, shoes for 100" and it goes on. first, i would be more impressed if some guy actually looked good in whatever ensemble it was and told me how he found everything on sale and it cost him a total of 50 dollars.
i hate the term metrosexual and how guys who think they have ANY sense of fashion claim that they belong in this category. most guys that are like this, it's actually because you're short and have a weirdly disproportional constitution and so the only clothes that properly fit you ( or so you think ) are they ones that youre paying an arm and a leg for. it's probably because they have nothing better to do with their money and a pretty saleswoman pretends to like it. by the way, it doesnt look good. stop pretending.

11:34 PM  
Blogger dudewheresmytard said...

Spite. So very easy, but so very satisfying. I am very impressed by your site. It's insightful, amusing and witty. Keep up the good work.

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate when guys say, 'nice guys finish last' while referring to themselves. in reality, they are social inept creatures and don't know how to have a successful relationship in the least and are rejected often. they will always think that they're just too nice instead of understanding what social skills they lack.

10:13 PM  
Blogger Trixie said...

People in customer service positions who move with the speed of a blind one-legged sloth that has been poisoned and tossed into a tar pit when there is a line of customers waiting for help!!! This happened to me at the Home Depot paint-mixing department, and to top it off, every time someone gave her a new order she glared at them with anger, disgust, and disbelief as though they had just given her an order for 34,923,878 different colors!!! I HATE YOU, paint-mixing girl!

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